Meet the Penguins: Slacker P

NAME: Slacker P

AGE: Quarter century

LOCATION: New York, NY

FAVORITE COLOR: Blue

YO MAMA: Isn’t fat or anything. Just crazy.

SLOGAN: Redheads do it better [when “it” is defined as “get melanoma from sun exposure”]

8-BALL ASSESSMENT: Reply Hazy. Try Again.

PLAN FOR NEXT YEAR: Figure out if law school is really the right decision, or just another way to accrue inhumane amounts of debt and have an excuse for massive alcohol consumption.

BUT HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE?: Depends on a lot of factors. Could end up employed at the very Demon Drink Establishments that I patronize.

WHAT ARE THESE FACTORS YOU SPEAK OF?: Give it a rest, okay? You are stressing me out. Jesus.

DO YOU HAVE, YOU KNOW, LIKE, A JOB?: Well, right now, yes. Next year? No. Shove it sideways.

MAN YOU’RE TOUCHY: Someone needs a hug.